Wednesday, December 8, 2010

and so i opened the door

And so I opened the door. And instead of letting you go out through it, it was I who left. And  I closed it hard, with a thump, leaving you inside, locked within yourself, just like I found you, so nothing changed there.

I walk out still overwhelmed with the emotions we have been living for the past months, but then a soft chill winter breeze runs through me and I realize what I had been missing for a long time.

I've been so distant from everyone and yet strangely I've felt somewhat free and at peace.

At peace.

Whether it's grabbing a cup of tea with my mom at 5 while watching the sun set on our terrace or composing an epic sound journey in my studio or retouching photos, I've been at peace with what I'm doing. I feel so inspired and in a big creative high.

But going back to you, you really disappointed me. Your inner dilemmas, you not being able to stand up for yourself when needed. You cowering when being cornered, the longer you keep hiding and running from yourself the longer it's gonna take you to accomplish something with your life you know, then comes other people messing up in what is not their lives and not their business. All of this is the ultimate doom of the "something" we COULD have had. We both were having fun, we both spent long days and nights texting each other and teasing, that little edge of flirting, it was going on well, but then you got cornered and you cowered out of everything.

It's better this way though, getting to know relatively early your level of commitment with something and how easily you get scared. A friend was giving me advice telling me times like this is when you needed me the most, but i disagree. I cannot carry the burden of teaching you how to love, i have been there before and it only caused me pain. I cannot teach you how to fight your demons unless you are willing to listen, and for all I see, you are not. 

And our friend in common, the one responsible for you backing out, I guess I wont be calling her a "friend" pretty much, when she selfishly didn't act like one, on her hunger for gossip and stirring up things. Well, I hope she is happy with what she accomplished. THANK YOU FOR RUINING AN OPPORTUNITY WITH YOUR IMMATURITY. I am sad to say the door to my heart has been closed for you as well, for good.

That's why I'm getting out of the door, making sure I didn't bring any keys with me to come back later, and making sure it is I who leave, because like I said, and like you showed with your actions, you're too immature and egocentric to even show up at the doorstep. So be it, my dear "as if", so be it for what was you and me, and could have someday translated into "us".

I am somewhat sad, but like I said earlier i am too busy being creative and loving with what I am doing to let THIS bring me down. More doors will come, I hope, and who knows, i may be getting inside of one for good.


  1. mistakes, mistakes, mistakes. we all make them, apologies are gifts accept them with a smile on your face.

  2. i know! its just sometimes really hard to "turn the other cheek" :/

  3. maybe when you turn your other cheek you might get a kiss instead.

  4. @Anonymous

    You really made me think today. Seriously, dear Anonymous, you got me thinkin on how we sometimes get the wrong attitude when it comes to love, thing is, having being hurt a lot i think i find it hard to trust again in those things. but you made me see the other point of view, so thank you very much, you you you. :)

  5. don't thank me, thank your perspective.


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